after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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