K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just google imaged poop.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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