Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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