It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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