Since when is my name a synonym for head?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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