My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
