You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
