She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
