I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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