My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
