I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
