Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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