i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had to cum in my sink.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
