Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He felt like a one man threesome
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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