Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
