Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
