Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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