I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
