He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
