If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
