you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
