I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As shirtless as possible
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
