Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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