Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
