Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
