You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
