This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize