Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
