i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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