There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
