It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
