By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
