Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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