we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
