I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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