I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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