Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Drunk is a universal language darling
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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