Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
