he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize