i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
