I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
