U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Green mimosas i think yes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize