last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
