hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Are we still banned from the library?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
