I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
