I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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