She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
