he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
