John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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