I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
