Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
