i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
