I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?