my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
