i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.