im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.