they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?