is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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