i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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