he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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