I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
